an open letter to miley ray cyrus

dear miley,

something tells me that your current bf

doesn't like you for your personality. don't 

quote me on this, but i am pretty sure it

has to do with the fact that 

you are miley cyrus/hannah montana. 

regards,

a concerned citizen. 

But in all seriousness,

IT'S STILL A FELONY! (anyone watch the soup?)

What I hate most about this is that miley pretends to be all "christian" and claims that the bible is her favorite book but then she goes around and totes her man-boy toy around everywhere and claims to be really mature for her age. Just because you hang out with older "hipsters" and your "best friend" is some 21 year old backup dancer, does not mean you are mature. I'm not the most mature person in the world, but I do know that if you are mature, you don't go around singing songs about how much you hate your ex-boyfriend. 

And let's not forget the most important detail

YOU ARE SIXTEEN, HE IS TWENTY (and i'm pretty sure, almost 21). 

That's ILLEGAL. 

UGH AND STOP WEARING THOSE ANNOYING HIPPY HEADBANDS (AND STOP TAKING RISQUE MYSPACE PICS OF YOURSELF)

peter pan, the boy who never wanted to grow up, still doesn't wear that

WARNING: CONTAINS OPINIONS THAT OTHERS MAY (BUT REALLY SHOULDN'T) DISAGREE WTIH

boys. boys. boys.

Lately around my college campus I have spotted boys wearing neon Hollister and Abercrombie.

CRINGE.

I'm sorry, but really? I get that you want to be a "bro" and have sex with a ton of chicks but in all honesty, you look really stupid and you'll most likely end up attracting the wrong kind of girls. By wrong I mean Gonorrhea, Syphilis, and maybe even the dreaded Crabs.

But really, all joking aside, the brightness of your neon A&F combined with your gelled hair, torn up jeans, and puka shell necklace DOES NOT make you cool. Or attractive. And if I remember correctly, people wore blatant Abercrombie shirts back in middle school. So if you're in middle school, that's fine, you don't deserve to be ridiculed more than you are already experiencing at the moment. But if you're over the age of 13- please think SUBTLE.

It's fine if you wear those brands but here are some guidelines to follow...

1.) NO BRIGHT OR OBNOXIOUSLY GIRLISH PASTEL COLORS

2.) NO ANNOYING "LAGUNA SURFER CLUB" OR "SO CAL SURF WAX" SLOGANS

-Contrary to popular belief, girls realize that these so-called clubs and merchandise really don't exist. We can see the moose/bird logo. Or even the name "hollister"(most likely)/"abercrombie" written across your chest. 

3.) This goes without saying: DO NOT BUY IT TOO SMALL

Ok, so now that's all out of my system, here are acceptable things you can buy from those respective stores:

1.) Button. Down. Shirts.

There is no girl I haven't met that doesn't love a boy in a button down shirt. If you meet one, you have most likely met someone who is actually a man, just so you know. 

Seriously though, button downs bring out the "I-need-to-rent-that-one-hugh-grant-movie-and-invite-all-my-girls-over-to-watch-it-and-eat-junk food-and-read-gossip-magazines" girl in me.

2.) The plain and simple tee. 

It's just a t-shirt and that's what I like about it. 

3.) Feel free to buy some cute boxers or shorts :)

Ok, so you've read my rant. I apologize if I offended some of you but just remember that simple is always better -never underestimate the power of no labels!